I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wish there were birth control emojis
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.