she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
should my penis look like a turkey
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth