We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
Can Purell be used as lube?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You are the jesus of drinking
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister