if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
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if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.