is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
