Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
