Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
