i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
