Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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