she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
