I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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