community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
