Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize