this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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