my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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