Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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