But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
