I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
