So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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