Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
