They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
