bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
