i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she looked like the before picture.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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