do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
