Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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