My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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