no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
