I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
