my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
