Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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