She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
