she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
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Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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