Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
