...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish my penis had an off switch
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
