i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
