Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
