i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
