He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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