We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
