my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
