Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
