In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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