Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
