Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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