I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.