And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
