Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks! http://tfl.nu/xdy8
  Replies (7) Good night (1463) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light. (1-206): Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had. http://tfl.nu/n63r
  Replies (8) Good night (1332) Bad night (1987)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (36699) Bad night (1368)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell? http://tfl.nu/9wrt
  Replies (37) Good night (6597) Bad night (1987)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying http://tfl.nu/unbu
  Replies (12) Good night (1089) Bad night (6315)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/o1tg
  Replies (3) Good night (2868) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock. http://tfl.nu/m79f
  Replies (5) Good night (2548) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you! http://tfl.nu/h6a1
  Replies (2) Good night (1190) Bad night (843)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck http://tfl.nu/xehn
  Replies (2) Good night (2467) Bad night (510)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos. http://tfl.nu/unc3
  Replies (16) Good night (1949) Bad night (631)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm http://tfl.nu/e7hi
  Replies (1) Good night (348) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him. http://tfl.nu/18mb
  Replies (1) Good night (1173) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted. http://tfl.nu/5qtj
  Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo? http://tfl.nu/e1ex
  Replies (4) Good night (339) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere http://tfl.nu/2bjh
  Replies (3) Good night (175) Bad night (388)

Randomize