I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant