I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
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I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.