is your mom at the bar?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
