He disabled his match.com account in front of me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??