if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
