i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
