I just pynch a tree in the face
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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