conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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