I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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