And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
