saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My life is pants optional.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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