It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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