Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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