Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
