There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
