Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
