Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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