Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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