as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
