It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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