she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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