I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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