I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
