Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
