Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
