if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
