how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Boobs speak an international language.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
