I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
