Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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