Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
