Umm I'm too high to move.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
