I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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