OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
