Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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