Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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