If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
How many fucks given?
0.12846
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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