Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
