I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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