I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize