wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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