My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
