i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
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Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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